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Office Conflict Resolved

As some of you may be aware, there has been some upheaval here in our soap company. What started out as a team of young girls who were eager to work together and create something they love, had turned into a battle of ego. It has been a difficult time and I have found myself caught in the middle of many discussions. After ten years of operating a certain way, we came to the conclusion that we needed an update. Unfortunately, this update is what started tearing the group apart. 

We were all for the idea of working together to find a Melbourne-based office design specialist. The boiling point for our little team breaking down was when two members of the team decided it would be a good idea to make our plans public to our customer base. I wasn’t for or against this idea, but there were other members of our team who did not want our new renovation updates to be shared with our customers just yet. Personally, I think the biggest problem was that they were not kept abreast of what communication would be going out. This sadly caused a rift in our crew.

I came up with a great idea to get all the girls together for a lovely weekend getaway. Everyone was able to vent their frustrations with our soap company, and by the end of the weekend, we were back to the close-knit girls we were ten years ago. Running a business can change people. Especially if it was a business you established in high school. We took a step back from the recent stresses and remembered what a great empire we have created. We are the leading soap manufacturers and retailers in Australia!

After long discussions, we realised we deserved a new office fitout. Melbourne is where the majority of our customer base resides, so it was a no-brainer that this is where we should be setting up.

As a team, we have met with the designer and seen sketches for our new office. They’re truly beautiful.

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Toenail Fungus Date

I had the best date. We had a great conversation and I was very attracted to her. She mentioned that she found me attractive too. I really gussied myself up before this date. I got a fresh new haircut and wore my best clothes – freshly ironed clothes might I add! I really did put my best foot forward. 

I’m not sure how many of you out there have struggled with a nail fungal infection before but it’s definitely something you don’t want. Take my word for it! Any type of foot fungus is simply uncomfortable. For me, I was experiencing a chronically itchy toe and pain when I walked. While my date and I were eating, I had to slam my foot down on the ground from time to time to ease the itch. I don’t think she noticed this. I do think she noticed me sticking my hand down my sock. The itching got so bad I had no option but to tuck my hand into my sock and start itching my foot directly. She didn’t say anything but I did notice a weird expression on her face. I don’t get why she was so offended. It’s not like I put my foot on the table for that long! Ten seconds to two minutes tops!

After dinner, she told me she needed to head home as she had an early morning. Being the gentleman I am, I walked her back to the apartment. She was so flattered by this gesture that she invited me upstairs. We sat down on the couch together and I saw her take her shoes off. I took this as a sign to take my shoes off. 

We spoke for two hours and then as I got up to leave, she discreetly handed me a card for the best podiatrist in Cheltenham. What an absolute gem of a human! She saw I was struggling with a problem and found a way to help me without embarrassing me. It’s been three weeks and I’ve been calling each day. I’m still waiting to hear from her.

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Gardening Outside

“You need to start getting out more,” my mum said.

What she didn’t realise was that I didn’t want to go out more. In fact, I didn’t want to go out at all. If I had the freedom to be able to sit inside each day and avoid the outdoors and other people, that would be my absolute dream. Of course, that’s not realistic. We still need to leave the house to get necessities like food. I could probably make a choice to order food here on in, or have grocery deliveries to my house, but that can get costly and I don’t want anyone else handling my food. I guess it’s a bit of a catch twenty-two.

“You used to be such an outdoorsy sort of girl, what happened?” Mum iterated.

Her words sat with me because the truth is – I don’t know what happened. I used to love getting out and about but one day that suddenly changed for me. I became a recluse. The more I started thinking about it, I realised I was letting my life rot away right before me. I needed to find a way to get myself out of the home. Gardening was the answer. I decided to buy hybrid tea roses online. Australia is a place so full of sun, it is perfect for growing plants and flowers. 

I’m glad I could order my flowers online. If I had to leave the house to buy them, I probably would have never gotten around to it. Growing my hybrid tea roses has been such a rewarding experience. They’ve added lots of colour into my life not only in my garden, but also metaphorically. I now have something that gets me outdoors. It’s absolutely life changing. I think I’d like to get some ground cover roses next. There are some patches in my mum’s garden that I think would really benefit. 

My mum seems to be a lot happier now too. We were clashing a lot for a while, mainly because she wanted to help me but couldn’t.

 

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Needed Car Repair

You know what? There are some real nasty people out there but I don’t think anyone is as nasty as this one workmate. He’s got a higher up job than me and I can tell he thinks he’s so much better than I am, simply by the way he speaks to me. He makes all these quick jabs about how I work in the mailroom and look like ‘the lights are on but nobody’s home’. It’s a bit rich coming from a guy who has ears that could probably fly him to another country. 

Now, I’m a happy-go-lucky kinda guy who makes the most of every situation. I was excited when my work announced that we’d be going on a scavenger hunt interstate. I thought it would be a great way to bonder with a fellow colleague. Clearly, Tim had different things in mind. He’s rejected every attempt I’ve made to socialise with him. He’s also put me down a lot. I could’ve sworn he told me to find a log book service mechanic near Adelaide. Instead, now he’s giving me silent treatment because a light is flashing and I should’ve apparently booked a service to be done in our state before we left. Maybe he’s right. I am starting to see his point but there’s absolutely no reason why he had to be so damn rude!

I’ve caught him staring a few times at my teeth like I’m unaware that they’re bucked. At least I have self-awareness. I wonder if Tim knows his ears are the cause of 80% of UFO sightings. At least he has the money to get his ears pinned back. I don’t have money to get my teeth fixed. I work in the mailroom! Heck, I don’t even have money for a simple car repair.

I thought I was doing the nice thing too by offering my car up for the drive. It’s more environmentally friendly than Tim’s sports car but also a lot less expensive. I figured if any car was to get damaged or hit a kangaroo, I’d let it be mine.

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Checking Car Things

‘Have you checked it?’

‘Checked what?’ I scold.

‘You know, all the car things,’ Eli gestures.

It was at this moment that I got the urge to simply wring Eli’s neck. I don’t know what ‘car things’ he’s talking about! We’ve been talking about ‘car things’ all bloody morning! I curse the day my work decided for the company to go on a scavenger hunt. In fact, I curse the people who decided to put me in a pairing with Eli. He’s the mailroom guy! He’s slack, lazy and simply unresourceful. Maybe if he wasn’t so lazy, he’d have taken care of the log book service. Adelaide is hours away from our home city. He should have known to make sure the car was in working order before we left. I even offered to take my car, but he was insistent on taking his enviro-friendly piece of trash. 

‘It’s your car, you’re the one to be checking things!’ I bite back.

‘Yeah, but you’re driving.’

‘Exactly! I’m driving, so therefore I should not be distracted by checking all these ‘car things’ you speak of.’

Eli sits back in his chair and looks out the window. I feel bad for speaking to him this way, but he’s just incredibly infuriating. It’s amazing how you can take the man out of the office and he can still be a total pain.

Eli speaks again. ‘I’m only asking if you checked things because this light is flashing.’

‘You don’t get it? It means you need to book an engine diagnostics check.’

Eli flashes me a blank look. His eyes are dull and I’m greeted by nothing other than his bucked teeth.

We both stay silent for another moment. I can see he doesn’t get it. In fact, I don’t think he has any clue about what I’m talking about. I feel guilty for my frustration. It’s not his fault he’s a bit of a hillbilly. He’s not a rude guy either. He’s actually one of the kindest guys I’ve ever met. Unfortunately, this is all watered down by his insufferable antics.

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Dad’s Mechanic Suggestion

I’d say that I am reasonably independent. I have a good, stable job and plenty of savings. I’m also someone who engages in a lot of hobbies in my spare time. The only thing that makes me not independent is the fact I live at home. I’ve made the conscious choice to not move out because I want to save my money so I can purchase a home. Unfortunately, this sort of living arrangement can have its ups and downs. The main downside is that everyone is heavily involved in my life. They also know what I’m up to and what’s going on. This can sometimes be a good thing as I have a constant support network, but it is hard for times when I need some privacy. 

For example, if I want to stay at a friend’s house, my parents will always know because they’ll realise that I’m not home. This isn’t a huge issue, but it does get annoying when they start grilling me about whose house I am at. Sometimes I just don’t want to share that information!

The most recent, slightly annoying discussion to happen was my dad hassling me about my car. I get it, he wants my car to be kept in good condition, but now he’s pressuring me to visit the most recommended mechanic near Moorabbin. If he’s so recommended, how come I’ve never heard of him? It’s typical of dads to always think they know the best guy for the job. Look, I might be mocking my dad right now but he’s always right when it comes to this stuff. I think what annoys me most is that he’s pressuring me to spend money on a professional log book service when my car is fine. Services can feel like such a waste of money, but I do understand the value. A car service will at least help me identify any issues with my car before they get worse. A stubborn part of me would rather I take my car for a service when I want and not be told by my dad. 

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Shaky Wheel Alignment

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Does your steering wheel always do that?’ my brother asked me nervously from the driver’s seat. I looked up from my phone with a frown.

         ‘What do you mean?’

         ‘It’s shaking,’ he said, relaxing his grip slightly so I could see it juddering his arms.

         ‘I’ve never noticed it before,’ I said. ‘What did you do?’

         ‘What did I do?’ he asked, disbelief colouring his tone. ‘It’s your car! I’ve only been driving it for five minutes.’

         ‘Exactly,’ I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. ‘And now it’s… broken.’

         ‘Oh, it’s not broken, you drama queen,’ he said, rolling his eyes. ‘But if I were you, I’d get it looked at, quickly.’

         ‘Eh,’ I waved him off, turning to look out the window. ‘I’ll ask about it at my next car service. Ringwood, next exit,’ I pointed at the green sign.

         ‘I see it, I see it,’ he grumbled. ‘I’m just saying, it might be a big issue.’

         ‘It might also just be the terrible roads around Ringwood,’ I shrugged. ‘I’ve never been here before ­– maybe they all have shaky wheels.’

     ‘Or maybe you need a reliable brake pad replacement mechanic. Ringwood can’t really be to blame for you not looking after your car.’

         ‘I’m not taking my car to your brother-in-law,’ I cut him off.

         ‘Oh, come on, you barely know the guy,’ my brother sighed, indicating for the off-ramp. ‘He’s just started his new business, I think it’ll be really good once he gets his numbers up.’

         ‘Obviously,’ I frowned. ‘That’s the definition of a business doing really good. But no – I don’t trust him.’

         ‘What’s he ever done to you?’

         ‘He stole my wallet at your wedding!’

         ‘Oh,’ he frowned. ‘Right.’

         ‘I’d much rather find a reputable mechanic around Ringwood for my breaks,’ I said, settling back into my seat. ‘At least, one that won’t actively steal from me.’

         ‘It was just one time,’ my brother protested. ‘He’s changed!’

         ‘Highly unlikely,’ I scoffed. ‘Besides, he’s probably going to go out of business soon and I don’t want my car wrapped up in his bankruptcy proceedings. Ooh, turn here – I feel like a burger.’

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Rose-Seed Tea 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slumped through the doorway of our cramped staff kitchen and threw my hard hat onto the cheap, plastic table.

         ‘Having a hard morning, Ronnie?’ Shelly laughed at me from the sink.

         ‘Something like that,’ I groaned, dropping into a chair. ‘Can you believe the work they’re making us do out there?’

         ‘I’m in accounts,’ she said, dropping a teabag into her mug. ‘I haven’t got the first clue what they’re making you do out there.’

         ‘Dig!’ I said loudly, and she laughed. ‘Just constantly dig!’

         ‘Dig for what?’

         ‘I actually don’t know that either,’ I said. ‘I just get here at too-early o’clock, pick up my shovel and go where the foreman points me.’

         ‘Maybe you’re planting flowers,’ she joked. ‘You could be propping up the online flower industry.’

         ‘What?’ I frowned at her. ‘Everybody knows you have to go into a store for that.’

         ‘Tell me,’ she said, sipping at her tea. ‘Is your phone still connected to your wall?’

         ‘What does my phone have to do with—’

         ‘A store isn’t where to find standard roses for sale anymore,’ she laughed. ‘It’s all on the internet!’

         ‘Well,’ I said gruffly, ‘that’s just ridiculous. How are you supposed to smell the flowers, gently run your hand down the stem to check that it’s in good condition?’

         ‘I have no idea,’ Shelly admitted. ‘I think that they might just sell good quality flowers online.’

         ‘That would solve it,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Say, you got another one of those teabags handy?’

         She nodded and began to make me a cup of tea.

         ‘You don’t gotta do that—’ I started.

         ‘Ah, relax,’ she waved for me to sit back down. ‘The longer I’m in here, the less time I have to spend with my manager telling me about how you can buy roses seeds online.’

         ‘Isn’t that what we’re talking about in here?’

         She froze, teabag hovering in mid-air above the mug.

         ‘Oh, god,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve been here too long.’

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Buyer’s Advocacy Revelation

I went willingly, with the policeman who’d been chasing me for the better part of my adult life. The cuffs went on, the van doors opened, and the sirens seared their red-and-blue into my eyes.

It was over. My life as I knew it, carefree, footloose, joyfully hopping around the globe on a whim… it was over. It was all over.

But that wasn’t what I was going to miss, I realised. No, what I was going to miss – was already missing – were the flames licking at my boot heels. The constant pursuit by my intellectual equal. The policeman who knew the property market better than anybody else and had used it to at last ensnare his greatest collar.

Would he visit? I wondered to myself, as I felt the engines rumble to life, underneath the reinforced flooring of the van. Would he think about me at all?

         Of course he wouldn’t, I chided myself. He was probably already tracking down the best buyer’s advocate for finding a home in Kew, getting them to flip on his latest assignment.

I suppose that’s all I’d been, in the end. An assignment. What had he called me?

‘A number and a name, nothing more.’

His cruelty had cut me like a knife.

A strange thought crossed my brain, and I caught it with a frown, clung to it until it formed itself, found shape in my mind.

He had been cruel.

         What did that mean? Why would he be so eager to torment me, even as I was leaving his life forever? And what is buyer’s advocacy? Melbourne can’t be that difficult of a housing market.

It was all a lie, I realised with a start! His final chess move, sliding his piece across the board and daring me to lay down my king.

         He almost got me to, as well!

I began to laugh, softly, then out of control.

‘Oh, this isn’t over,’ I whispered underneath the noise of my prison van. ‘We’re only just getting started.’

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Supplying Construction Supplies

‘Aaron, give me a hand here,’ I called out across the construction yard, grunting as I wrapped my hands around a huge oak beam. ‘Aaron! Aaron!’

My apprentice looked up at his name, mouth full of the ham sandwich his mum had made him this morning. He quickly swallowed it – almost choking – and sprinted towards me, ducking the throng of other workers heading to lunch.

‘Sorry, boss,’ he said sheepishly, quickly taking some of the load off me. I grunted my thanks.

‘Where’s this heading?’ Aaron asked, swivelling his head around.

‘My truck,’ I said, gesturing towards where all of the site’s vehicles were parked.

‘Why your truck?’ he frowned, momentarily forgetting he was terrified of me.

‘I’m taking it home,’ I told him. ‘We don’t need it on this job after all.’

‘Isn’t that, uh…’ he froze a little bit, beam resting on his shoulder. ‘Isn’t that stealing?’

‘Of course it isn’t,’ I rolled my eyes. ‘I do it all the time.’

‘You what?’

‘I do this all the time,’ I repeated. ‘Whenever we have a spare bit of lumber, I just take it home. Make a table or something.’

‘And you’re allowed to do that?’ he frowned. ‘Y’know, I live right near the best place in Cheltenham to get building supplies, if you’re strapped for cash or something—’

‘I’m not taking it because I’m poor, you idiot,’ I snapped at him. ‘It’s a hobby!’

‘Stealing wood?’

‘Making tables!’

‘Oh,’ he nodded. ‘Oh, right. Are you sure the foreman cleared this?’

‘Why would he clear this?’ I frowned at him. ‘You’re not making sense. Besides, he’s at the local hardware store. Bentleigh is only twenty minutes away, which means…’

‘We have to move quickly?’ Aaron asked glumly.

‘Correct,’ I nodded. ‘Chop, chop.’

He sighed and lifted up his end of the beam again – I tried not to notice how much obviously stronger than me he was.

‘I still think this is a bad idea,’ he grumbled as we walked.

‘What would you know?’ I chuckled. ‘You’re just the apprentice.’